my journey … so far

Here’s my story. I hope you can connect with it so we better understand each other.

Being an Intuitive Kid

When I was little I always had a way of “knowing.” I would know the likely outcome of something, especially if it was risky or I knew I was not supposed to do it. I also had a sense about people and whether they are safe or not - I could feel their vibration but didn’t know that it was. It made me cautious about being with people and I tended to hang in the background. I also was afraid of being different.

Being Different

At some point, like most people, I learned that being different meant I was strange. Other kids would not want to play with me or would make fun of me. I learned to keep others at a distance so I was always on the fringe of my friend group. (Not really in the middle but not on the outside.) A consequence of that position was that I often felt like an afterthought when I would get invited places. We lived in Colorado until I was in 4th grade, then we moved to Texas for two years before moving back to Colorado. Living in Texas didn’t help my self-esteem or feeling of being different. It was a completely different world and If I was strange in Colorado, I was really strange for a Texas girl. Part of that came from being neuro-diverse in a time when it was barely recognized as a common condition.

I am what we now call “twice exceptional.” I have gifts, but they come with a cost. Girls in the 1980s we were not allowed to be ADHD (it was a “boy” thing) and so the schools refused to help me in the way that I needed. They said I was lazy, and it became a self-fulfilling proclamation. I believed them and it carried over into all areas of my life - I felt dumb and lazy.

Bad Choices

I started hanging out with kids who were making terrible choices, mostly because I felt smarter than them and they included me. I also thought that if I knew things intuitively ahead of time, I could keep out of trouble and still participate in things that were not uplifting or healthy. I continued on this path once my family and I moved back to Colorado. I was a new kid starting middle school in a new neighborhood and all of our neighbors were boys. I gravitated towards the girls who not very nice but included me; I just wanted to be included and I wanted to feel smart. The farther down the path I ventured, the worse choices I continued to make.

At one point I chose to date a guy, who I knew was abusive and in to heavy drugs. I figured I was smarter than he was and could protect myself because I was intuitive. None of that worked out. I ended up doing those same drugs, ruining my life, and most of the kids I was hanging out with ended up dead.  I got kicked out of school three times and didn’t graduate with my class. The light I was capable of was hidden by all the darkness that surrounded me. Eventually after almost dying several times myself, I was arrested and put in jail. It was in that cell that I realized this was not the life for me.

Breaking the Cycle

Throughout those very dark years, my family remained strong and loved me no matter what. They taught me what grace really means.  I walked away from the drugs but had no idea how much healing I had to do to really recover. I didn’t know how to become a light for anyone when I was just emerging from darkness. I was still drawn to the same groups of people but this time these people were also trying to recover from a life of addiction. Despite staying clean, I realized the same kinds of negative addiction behaviors were still running my life. I found myself stuck in a very low vibrational loop with people who seemed to be stuck in a low vibration loop themselves. It seemed like a different version of the same cycle. I walked away from that group and tried to go back to church with my parents. I connected with a group there, but I still felt like I was on the outside looking in.

The significant change that came out of my time with that group was that I met my husband. (He’s editing this and wants everyone to know how great he is - a truly talented, handsome, and humble man.) We were very young and had a lot of growing to do. We weren’t aware of it at the time so we just jumped right in. Life was getting better but still I was not healing from my past. I found that my past would continue to haunt me and drive my choices. I had two sons and even though they changed my whole life I continued to carry the past. I was moving forward, but I wasn’t healing. I continued to perpetuate negative beliefs not only for myself but also my children. It carried over into my marriage and we almost didn’t make it.

Recognizing the Need to Change

In an effort to heal myself and my marriage I started the process and realized just how much healing I needed to do.

Healing

As I healed, I started to embrace my gifts that I had been hiding for so long for fear of people thinking I was strange. Then the most amazing thing happened - I had a daughter, a game-changer. Suddenly, I had this little girl and I never wanted to go through the things I had. I knew I had to heal and be a light. I could not stay still anymore; I deserved to be me. My husband and sons deserved the best version of me and my daughter needed a mom who could a healthy guide. I did a lot of healing and started to love myself for who I am designed to be. Going through this process has led me to celebrate who I am and use my gifts to help others.

Embracing My Purpose

My human design is unique to me and I have learned to use it to live my purpose and help others live theirs. I am no longer afraid of the people who think I am weird. I embrace my gifts and use them to help others embrace their own. I use my intuition to guide instead of using it to change the future. I have learned that the only way to change the future is to change what I am doing. I no longer continue down a path of destruction thinking I can change the path. I hold tight to the Holy Spirit and know that there was never a time when I was alone. The connection between my soul and the Holy Spirit was and always will be forever. I embrace my angels and guides who have worked very hard to keep me alive on my journey. I connect everyday using my breath, meditation, and other tools to grow. My purpose is to help others reconnect to their soul and their soul’s purpose. My purpose is teaching self-love and empowering women to claim their true self, heal the past, and create the future they deeply desire.

My wish is that my story can give you hope. It’s always somewhat scary to share, but you’re worth it.

Warmest wishes,

Melissa Lasley